Day #437 of my Captivity

Comrades - I am writing this to you from a remote location. I have not been properly briefed on this operation, but from what I can gather my whereabouts were discovered and I was relocated to a maximum security facility.

As it would appear I am the only prisoner in these quarters, very much like that Tiger in "Kung Fu Panda." Did you see that movie? Very funny! On to more pressing matters!

I was degraded in the most horrific way possible in order for them to transport me here. The head warden inserted me into a torture device. I believe this warden is certifiably insane, thinks she is Paris Hilton and has confused me with a metro-sexual teacup Chiuaua.

I have included a photo for proper documentation.

Naturally it was degrading, even if I do look pretty in pink!

After a my torturous spout of transportation we arrived at the maximum security prison and I was greeted by my new warden. I must admit conditions here are highly improved from headquarters; I have much more space to cover. However I am not falling for this decoy, I believe this is an attempt at distraction. The enemy wants to me to lose focus and busy myself with exploring so that I am not on to them. Well try as you may spawn I have already discovered your secret! It appears they have installed a hypnotic device into the ceiling. The warden pulls a chain and it spins around in rapid circles spilling a refreshing breeze. I will not fall for this though! I will be sure to stay far away from the hypnotic device she possesses! I can not get distracted I must remain skeptical of everything!

Here are some photos I have gathered for Intel on my current conditions.

I am uncertain of what this device is, but I am sure it is some type of solitary confinement cell.

I believe this is supposed to be my new sleeping quarters, or perhaps used for some type of ancient practice the new warden calls "Yoga"... I think she means "Yoda." Perhaps she is trying to subtly hint that she knows I am in fact a Jedi Master!

Victorious!!! I have discovered the perfect sniper position! My special forces training has taught me proper aerial attacks.

Oh no! This contraption the warden calls "a rug" seems very soft and plush. Perhaps this is what she does to inmates who do not behave! This will not be me! I will out smart you... see photo below for documentation.

I call this "Operation Nice Kitty"

Till we meet again!

Oreo

P.S. My computer was left behind at SB Headquarters, I hope none of the other inmates successfully hack into the system! Please make me aware ASAP if they start posting here. I can not have my research contaminated with their nonsense!